(for a book promotion website) — Tell us about yourself and how many books you have written. I’ve written about 10 books, 4 of which are currently in print; the rest will need considerable revision if they are to see the light of day. I work ‘full time’ — as it were — on my artworks…

The only known authenticated photographic record of a trip to the actual ‘Garden of Eden’ of the Bible — Garden of Eden: Prologue [Limited edition artwork] Artwork Saatchi Art is pleased to offer the artwork, "Garden of Eden: Prologue [Limited edition artwork]," by Jakob Zaaiman…www.saatchiart.com Prologue Keep down, they say. This involves lying alone on the back seat of a car in a canvas hood, being driven for hours on end, always at speed, tyres whining, changing cars many times. They took my watch, and set everything in my camera to zero. No one talking. Then…

Another delightful but bewildering contemporary poem — I like to believe I’m alert to sarcasm, but sometimes people say things that pass me by. I remember a lawyer/avant garde (read that as ‘stroke’) musician being asked in an interview what he would like to see more of in an extremely well-known worldwide magazine and he answered ‘Photos of heads on sticks!’. It was a good couple of…

A long short story involving drinking, fucking, loyalty, stupidity, hermeneutics, ‘The Exorcist’, and god knows what else. — Some days before leaving on my journey, I searched for my friend Brad on the internet. He had no idea I planned on visiting him. I wanted to be sure I had his correct address. And I eventually found a photograph of him on a school website, where he was…

Available on Medium.com — Contemporary poems for people who hate poetry. They are all about real people and real situations, and have been written in plain and simple language. At last. Zoona Sticky Another delightful but bewildering contemporary poemjakob-zaaiman.medium.com Interalter A mysterious poem about escaping the inescapablejakob-zaaiman.medium.com Hat of Fuck A Contemporary Poemjakob-zaaiman.medium.com

Available on Medium.com — If you like a strange and disturbing take on life — while also having a good laugh — then these ‘weird tales’ will be just what you’re looking for. ‘Ghost Queen’ is a blinder, as you’ll see. Spider to Fortune A long short story involving drinking, fucking, loyalty, stupidity, hermeneutics, ‘The Exorcist’, and god knows what…jakob-zaaiman.medium.com Paint Short story about a hungry ghostjakob-zaaiman.medium.com

Great poems #3 — A Single Autumn The year my parents died one that summer one that fall three months and three days apart I moved into the house where they had lived their last years it had never been theirs and was still theirs in that way for a while echoes in every room without a…

Masterpieces of modern/contemporary art #13 — (The idea behind this series is to let the individual artworks speak directly to us from their own mysterious realm, rather than interpreting and ‘explaining them away’ in conventional terms.) Jeff Koons is one of the most difficult contemporary artists to write about because the ‘art’ of Jeff Koons’s ‘art’…

A mysterious poem about escaping the inescapable — Apparently the Germans will laugh at anything. They will laugh a lot at lots of things that don’t appear to be particularly funny to the rest of us, unless, that is, we non-Germans are missing something quite important. Germans will laugh at someone opening a fridge. Or at a dog scratching itself. Or at the look of a…